The Lived Experiences Of Exmuslim Women Leaving Islam In Academia

By Zara Kay

Reviewing the PhD Thesis by Luke Lee: The Lived Experiences of Ex-Muslim Women Leaving Islam: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis
Link: https://www.proquest.com/docview/3080237226

When I first founded Faithless Hijabi as merely a Facebook page in 2018, I didn’t know that in a few years we would be doing tremendous work with helping people. What was meant to be just a Facebook page with the stories of ExMuslim women turned into a charity supporting hundreds with mental health therapy sessions, but not limited to that. One of our proudest moments was being able to contribute to Luke Lee’s recently published paper, “The Lived Experiences of Ex-Muslim Women Leaving Islam: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis.” This pivotal work brings these stories to the forefront. Drawing from my own experiences working with women who have left Islam, I can affirm that, as Luke highlights, the journey of apostasy is profoundly complex, interwoven with societal expectations, personal transformation, and ongoing challenges.

For many ExMuslim women, the decision to leave Islam begins with a period of questioning and doubt. This phase is marked by a growing awareness of the contradictions between their personal beliefs and the religious teachings they were raised with. These doubts often emerge during adolescence or early adulthood, coinciding with increased exposure to secular education and diverse worldviews.

Luke’s study resonates with what I have seen: many women start questioning the strict gender roles imposed by their communities and families. These roles dictate not only how we dress and behave but also limit our aspirations and autonomy. As one participant in Luke’s study noted, “I started questioning why I couldn’t do things that my male cousins were allowed to do. It felt so unfair and suffocating.” The journey of questioning is fraught with internal conflict and fear of social repercussions, as many women worry about the potential backlash from their families and communities.

Secular education plays a crucial role in the journeys of many ExMuslim women. It provides the tools to critically analyze religious beliefs and the societal structures that uphold them. Exposure to different cultural and intellectual perspectives often acts as a catalyst for deeper questioning of Islamic teachings, particularly those related to gender roles and human rights. And as I reflect on my own journey growing up in Tanzania, while a secular country, I was in an Islamic school. As my curiosity would peak about religion, it was indeed difficult to verbalize or even think outside what others did because everyone around me was Muslim, or most people were. Not until I left home at 16 and moved abroad to study and absorbed a lot of the environment was I allowed to express dissent or even verbalize my feminist perspective that contradicted Islamic teachings. Reading this study has in some ways validated my own journey as I try to figure out why it took me so long to leave Islam. Or at least accept that in many ways I had rejected much of Islamic practices while maintaining the label of being a Muslim.

Luke in his research notes the impact of Education on the journeys of ExMuslim women. Education can be both enlightening and disconcerting. Women begin to see the restrictions placed on them not just as cultural norms or religious obligations but as violations of their fundamental rights. One woman in the study shared, “It was like I had been blindfolded my whole life, and suddenly, someone took it off. I saw the world in a completely different light.” This realization can be a powerful motivator for leaving Islam, despite the significant emotional and social risks involved.

A turning point for many ExMuslim women is the discovery of online communities where they can find like-minded individuals. These virtual spaces offer ideological support, a sense of belonging, and a safe environment to express doubts and share experiences without fear of immediate repercussion. As one participant mentioned, “Finding that online group was a lifesaver. It was the first time I felt I wasn’t alone.”

These online communities are invaluable as they provide crucial validation and solidarity, helping women feel less isolated in their journeys. These platforms offer a space where they can connect with others who understand their struggles, share coping strategies, and offer emotional support.

Leaving Islam is rarely a straightforward process. It involves significant emotional and social upheaval, and the act of disclosing one’s apostasy to family and friends is particularly fraught. Many women engage in “hinting” behaviors to gauge potential reactions before fully disclosing their beliefs. “I would make small comments to see how my family would react,” one woman shared. “Their reactions were always so negative that it scared me into silence for years.”

The emotional toll is profound. Feelings of guilt, fear, and sadness are common, compounded by the loss of significant relationships. Maintaining a facade of religiosity to survive within a family or community, while internally navigating disbelief, creates significant emotional strain. This dual existence can lead to periods of depression and anxiety, making the journey even more challenging. One woman described this as “living a double life, constantly anxious that someone would find out my true beliefs.”

Despite these challenges, many ExMuslim women describe a profound sense of liberation and unburdening upon leaving Islam. The ability to make autonomous decisions about their lives and bodies, free from religious dictates, is empowering. This newfound freedom, however, comes with its own set of challenges, as they navigate the reconstruction of their identities and lives outside the framework of Islam. Reconstructing one’s identity involves exploring new beliefs, forming new social connections, and redefining one’s sense of purpose and values. As Luke’s dissertation notes, “Leaving Islam is ongoing for the participants where they continue to deal with a history of trauma prolonged by perpetual threats.” This ongoing nature of their journey highlights the need for continuous support and understanding from both their new communities and mental health professionals.

Finding a new community has been crucial for ExMuslim women. As they often face ostracism from their former communities, building new networks of support becomes essential. Online communities play a significant role, but many also seek out in-person connections through secular or ExMuslim groups. “Joining a local support group gave me the courage to start living authentically,” one participant shared.

Finding people who understand their journey is critical. These new communities provide emotional support and a sense of belonging, which are crucial for healing and growth. Advocacy also becomes an important aspect of their lives, as personal experiences of oppression and liberation often inspire them to support others in similar situations.

Many ExMuslim women who are public become advocates for religious freedom and women’s rights. Their personal experiences of oppression and liberation often inspire them to support others in similar situations. Advocacy can take many forms, from participating in online forums and writing blogs to speaking at events and engaging with media. However, it doesn’t help that our voices are constantly silenced not only by our former religious communities and Muslims but also by the Western world that has legitimized the term “Islamophobia” when we attempt to discuss our reasons for leaving Islam, leaving us almost isolated and having to constantly fight for our rights in the secular world as well. One woman lamented, “Every time I try to talk about my experiences, I get accused of spreading Islamophobia. It’s like our pain doesn’t matter.”

Nadia, who found her voice through education and online communities, now works with organizations that support ExMuslims. She shares her story to raise awareness about the challenges faced by those who leave Islam, particularly women. Her advocacy work provides a sense of purpose and helps her continue her journey of self-reconstruction.

Leaving Islam is an ongoing process without a clear endpoint. Many ExMuslim women continue to navigate the impacts of their former beliefs on their current lives. They face lingering fears, emotional scars, and sometimes ongoing harassment from their former communities. As one woman put it, “The fear never fully goes away. You just learn to live with it.”

The journey of leaving Islam involves continuously dealing with a history of trauma and ongoing threats. Therapy and supportive communities help, but the journey is continuous and requires ongoing resilience.

Luke’s dissertation highlights the urgent need for more academic research on the experiences of ExMuslim women. Their journeys are marked by profound personal and social challenges, and understanding these experiences is crucial for developing culturally competent and empathetic support systems.

In my opinion, while ExMuslim women have much in common with other ex-religious individuals, the threat to our lives is an active fear that distinguishes us from other religious groups. This also means that not enough has been studied on religious trauma from the perspectives of apostates who leave Islam. This paper is one of them, and I hope it will pave the path for many more to come.

The journeys of ExMuslim women leaving Islam are complex and multifaceted, marked by resilience, transformation, and ongoing challenges. Luke’s dissertation offers a vital contribution to understanding these experiences, highlighting the need for greater inclusivity and support for this marginalized group. As more research is conducted in this area, it is hoped that the voices of ExMuslim women will continue to be heard and valued, leading to better support and understanding within academic, professional, and community contexts.